The Pervert Paradox
by ZutarianNaiad
Summary: There is psychology to every crime—including those which are not, per se, illegal. That psychology can trap an innocent man into a crime he did not wish to commit, simply by being accused of it. Take, for example, being accused of being a pervert...
1. Rough Draft

**The Pervert Paradox  
**An analytic essay by Ryuzaki Lao

Man, in his attempts to create, uphold, and enforce the law, has always battled with the nature of judgment. Criminals must be judged, a truth universally acknowledged. Even the means and extent of punishment after some debate can be agreed upon, generally speaking. Justice is meted out as best as humanly possible, with the quality of mercy being the defining trait of truly "just" justice.

But one of the weakest links in the justice system is the connection between accusation and crime. Really, the Spanish Inquisition is infamous for no other reason than that accusation directly resulted in guilt, without proof or trial. (I say this because the atrocities of the Spanish Inquisition's torture chambers are historically commonplace, making the emotional heart of its infamy somewhat arbitrary.) Take the recent moving of Kira—one only needs to be publically broadcast as a criminal for this judge, jury, and executioner to pronounce his verdict. But I digress. I suppose many readers are still awaiting the point of this essay.

There is psychology to every crime, because in his natural state, man will not commit crimes. Society teaches the boundaries, and most normal persons abide by these rules. But, as said by one of the founders of criminology, "every crime is committed for the same reason—because someone wanted something." Cause and effect are the governing principles of the universe.

Except, perhaps, in the case of the **Pervert Paradox**.

Take this case study for example: In a room, there is an attractive young woman and a young man. The woman misinterprets some look or gesture, and accuses the young man of being a pervert.

The young man, up until that point had been totally innocent. But in a matter of 6.8 nanoseconds, the following thought process occurs: _Pervert? Someone who pictures women inappropriately. _[The human male brain is visual. Now that he has associated the word with a definition, his mind relies on pictures for the following information.] _Lingerie. Swimsuits. Etc. leave nothing to the imagination—except this..._

And so on. Because of the visual nature of the male brain, in the following half second until a response can formulate in his mind—90% of the time an automatic denial, because he _had_ been innocent—a montage of pictures, video clips, and fabrications of a wide variety of "inappropriate" material presents itself. Whether the man's defense of himself is relevant of not can be argued elsewhere, as with the differing nature of male (visual) thought processes and female (dialogue) thought processes.

You see, the male was innocent. He was completely and totally blameless, until the moment an unjust verdict was put upon him, at which time he became entirely guilty of being a pervert. The male did not have to put effort into perversion—simply walking past certain stores in a shopping center, random advertisements on internet sidebars, mainstream entertainment, and plenty of non-pornographic material present all the mental real estate that is necessary for a pictorial definition of the word "pervert."

The female is less well-equipped to understand this issue. First, the female's brain is not as visual. Her thought processes are much more likely to associate words, written or auditory, to her thoughts. She sees an action, or perhaps a look—it is not explained, not written or spoken, so she is left to interpret for herself. These mistaken interpretations are not conscious or malicious, but merely _mistakes_.

The real fault of the Pervert Paradox is a combination of two factors—the male's visual mind, and the commonness of those males who take no control of their own thought processes, do put effort into building a repertoire of visuals associated to the word "pervert," and _do_ leer at women. If not for such persons around, it would make those guilt-inducing accusations much rarer.

Though perhaps certain women—those most common of accusing others of being perverts and setting the Pervert Paradox into motion—would find themselves in fewer situations where they are being leered at if they didn't dress in such low cut, short, and tight outfits consisting primarily of lace and other typically "lingerie" fabrics. Considering the visual nature of men, such women bring the leering on themselves.

* * *

"So?" L asked, accepting the rough draft back from Watawari with one limp hand as he scrolled through files with the other.

"It's certainly very wordy," the older man answered. "I've marked the mistaken punctuation, and the areas where citations are needed-notably the criminology quote and the physiological statements. Also, you might consider serious revision—possibly entirely removing the final paragraph." "I'll think about it," L said, an unspoken dismissal following the last word.

"I'll think about it," L said, an unspoken dismissal following the last word.

…_But it's entirely true._


	2. Rewrite

"Ryuzaki has been writing about Misa."

_Hmm… I did leave the essay sitting out—but it is plain printer paper, and there are no flashy pictures, so I'd say a 30—27.2% chance she knows about my essay. And within that about 8.5% chance she could understand it… _"I have no idea what you are talking about, Misa."

"Misa saw _this_," she brandished the papers emphatically, "over by Light's work-station. Ryuzaki is a sick pervert, writing about Misa."

_If this continues, 24% chance of getting any work done whatsoever. And a 76.5% chance I can explain it all away. _"I am sure you are mistaken, Misa. What is this paper you're talking about?"

"Ryuzaki left his perverted essay out so that Misa's Light would read it," she accused.

"Considering the current situation—" L began, lifting his handcuff.

"Misa isn't done yet," she interrupted. Were it not for the sound-cancelling earmuffs that Light was wearing for his audio analysis of Yotsuba executives, she might have dragged him into her one-sided argument already. "Ryuzaki left his perverted essay out so that Misa's dear Light would read it. Misa thinks that Light finally got fed up with the way Ryuzaki is always looking at Misa, and told him to stop! But then Ryuzaki made up some essay to try and explain it all away. And then, at the end, Ryuzaki says that his perversion is all Misa's fault!"

L had been multitasking during the last speech. He was reevaluating many beliefs about Misa, updating them with the realization that if an issue had to do with Misa's egotism or infatuation with Light, her mental capacity increased tenfold—further case studies would show the exact percentages. Also, he'd gone over the essay several times in his head to search for arguments. And finally he had been taking shrewd stock of his accuser—black Chuck Taylor high top tennis shoes, only half laced; fishnet stockings followed by a very, very, very short black suede miniskirt; multiple silver rings on several fingers, fingerless gloves of matching fishnet material; and finally a corset of some of the most complicated instruction L had ever seen—there appeared to be at least five different places where panels were held together only by ribbon (though closer inspection revealed that the gaps between panels had some extremely sheer, black material over her skin) with another lace-up section over the bust, which Misa left untied with the ribbons dangling. The places where the corset had solid fabric, it was scarlet with a complex black lace overlay.

These thought processes completed in time for L to hear Misa's final sentence of accusation.

"I thought that you, as a celebrity, would not want to be credited in a psychological analysis essay," L said. "It would give people different ideas about you, and whatever the validity or results, it is likely that certain pornographic websites or magazines would attempt to contact you with offers for work. I can put your name in for co-author credit if you desire."

Misa threw the papers down in disgust, grumbled incoherently, high-pitched, and loudly, and then stomped off towards the elevator. L picked the papers up one at a time, laid them out side by side, and began making corrections he found necessary in his mental rewrite during Misa's theory speech.

After a while, Light removed the earmuffs.

"What have you found?" L asked.

"There are a few whose voice patterns change when they begin talking about Kira as compared to their voice patterns on other topics, but the differences so far are negligible. This could do little more than tell us who are the best at faking."

"Every bit of information helps," L answered. The rewrite was technically complete, yet it seemed to lack something important…"

"What was Misa here about?"

_With Light's level of situational awareness—72.32% chance that he already knows. _"To see you, but she was sidetracked by the need to critique my essay," said L as he ended the second draft of his essay with a special thanks to his lovely research partner. The phrase made him smile for several reasons.


End file.
